* Produced by Martin Jandl & Konrad Mitschka (English Translation : Chris Rauseo)



Auftakt  Upbeat

Movement in different directions. Conductor’s hands go down, spectators’ necks go up. Only the curtain must wait.


Bratsche  Viola

Faye sometimes handles it more lovingly than she does Ishii, producing harmony in the instrument and disharmony in marriage.


Curriculum vitae  Résumé

Brilliant literary self-portrait. Subject to wilful distortion. You will find Kimbo Ishii’s résumé here.


Dirigent  Conductor

According to Celibidache a secret dictator, who fortunally is satisfied just with music.


Eiche  Oak

Provides raw material for batons and instruments. Of no other use.


Faye  Feye

Not a musician; plays the viola. Her music resounds like no other in Kimbo Ishii’s heart.


Gage  Fee

Concert organizers should bear in mind that half of all fees are allocated for taxes and social security, one third is for the agent, one quarter for expenses, and what little is left goes to the wife and child. Conductors should be offered bread and water during negociations.


Hirn  Brain

Registers all incoming sounds, which can lead to unusual deformations with conductors. It judges, develops and anticipates sounds all at once. Requires long rehearsals to the dismay of musicians and to the delight of the public.


Ishii, Kimbo  Ishii, Kimbo

Subject of this home page. His friends maintain that he transforms his combination of Chinese, Japanesem Austrian and American charm directly into music. He himself claims to be a relatively undistinguished member of his family: his grandfather is a famous painter, his uncle runs one of Asia’s leading mainboard producers and even his kid sister is a pop star in Japan.


Japan  Japan

Exports sushi, gameboys and hybrid beings who eat the former while manipulating the latter: diligent conductors.


Komponist  Composer

According to some self-important maestros, a scribbler of false tempos:
“I conducted well, and he composed badly”.


Lärm  Noise

Comparable in effect to a hammer hitting an anvil till it hurts.


Music  Music

Like noise, but the ears want to hear it.


Nose  Nose

Music lovers consider it a useless piece of anatomy.


Ohr  Ear

Funnel-shaped outgrowth, which hears some things it likes, some it dislikes and many things it shouldn’t. Often bitten in bed.


Plan  Plan

Expectation of what’s to come, although it never comes as expected. Which proves that the orchestra’s idea doesn’t always have to coincide with the conductor’s in order to succeed.


Querulant  Griper

Claims to have heard sounds the conductor never let occur.
Euphemism:music critic.


Rattle, Simon  Rattle, Simon

Role model.


Singing  Singing

According to Debussy, an unnecessary activity during an opera, which he defined as “pleasant entertainement which would be even better without singing”.


Taktstock  Baton

Unfortunately too short to hit underachieving musicians.


Urknall  Big Bang

The proof that in the beginning there were neither conductors nor the public. Conductors would have turned it into celestial harmony, and with a concert public it would be labelled a world premier performance.


Violin  Violin

A vengeful piece of wood, which Ishii tried unsuccesfully to tame 30 years ago. Ten years later it struck back, and numb fingers put an end to his career as a violinist and made him a condcutor.


World  World

Somehow managed to be created without a conductor lifting his baton.


X-beliebiges  Arbitrairiness

Unknown in Ishii’s performances. Everything is in its place.


Y-Achse  Axis of Y

Fortunately other ways of measuring space exist. Concutors need x and z axises as well.


Zunge  Tongue

Indispensable for music performance. Singers need it for vocalises, clarinettists for moistining, and Ishii for showing his states of ecstasy.